They are answers that can shapeshift with the priority of my days. Most of the time it’s clear when I’m at my best and what my purpose is, but there are other days when I wonder if my energies lie in the right places. I do know that if we look deeply and honestly, and most importantly, without prejudice, the answers are there for the plucking.
Since January, since setting my visions, the red fires of intention and determination have burned bright and steady. Some visions have already have been met or have altered, and they are meant to if I am attentive to my inner truths. Scatteredness is a given sometimes, but synchronicity holds space here, too, with many sentient moments giving meaning to every ounce of energy I offer. This can’t be wrong, it just can’t, not when I know my children are content, thriving, and finding their place among all things. I must believe that perhaps I am, too.
Today I believe that everything I’ve done has held meaning for everything that I am today. That I am at my best today, and am even better than yesterday. I look at what I do with loving, kind eyes and realize that I am changing the world with every move I make, with every person, animal, thing and moment I connect with, small, large, old, young and everything in-between. What if we all believed this all the time, that we were changing the world with each moment we lived? Not out of guilt, pressure, shame or perfection, but out of love and intention, kindness and compassion. How different would our actions be at any given moment?
I do know what I do best. I love and listen, I offer and give, I wait and see, I lift and hold, and I love all over again. And the wings of my little ones are finding strength and momentum to push air and take space, working to raise themselves off the ground. I see it happening, I see them believing in themselves. I see them rising above their own limitations and I know that my best perhaps was good enough all along. Mother, it is the one role that has chiseled and defined me more than any other. The fabric of this archetype extends far into the other roles I hold close like wife, friend, educator, therapist, dreamer, dancer, creator. I am comfortable here and I am really good at this. This is who I am. It is why I have the courage to make the decisions I have to make, and part of why my children are becoming who they are. I say this today because most other days I don’t. How often do many of us not recognize the strongest parts of who we are and choose to categorize ourselves by what we are not? I am guilty.
It is in our nature you know, to say the quiet, tasteless things we say to ourselves. A terrible habit that takes hold in each of us in so many different ways. We don’t need to listen, I promise you, we don’t. And when we choose to not listen, ego’s sticky-fingers begin to release its grasp on the voicebox of our soul.
There are so many things that make sense now, so many events, decisions, and choices, all laced with luck, chance and kismet. Every single one, a pathmaker that’s left a winding, sometimes treacherous, unpredictable, breathtaking, rewarding, eternally wild and wooded trail. It’s a trail that is all mine, an adventure and an odyssey, one that I may write about one day. Until then, I will just keep doing my best, I will let the stongest parts in me show me what is next…
Much love to you