Unfettered

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Since I last wrote in this space, summer has settled in without hesitation. Spring was a wet blur and humidity has taken up residence here in Colorado. So much has shifted here, so much to tell you. The only perennial promise is the blooming of my beautiful children. Oh how they have changed!! When I began writing at Wander Wonder Discover my children were 5 and 7 years old. The girl is now 10 and the boy turns 13 next month. Our moments are a complete mix of magical, terrifying, mysterious, gorgeous, mind-boggling, boisterous, and ground-breaking moments. His entering into adolescence has prompted internal remodeling from me once again, reminding me that parenthood is meant to challenge everything we know about ourselves. What worked two years ago may not work anymore, and I sometimes feel I stepped into the Matrix. By the way, the walls are lined with ones and zeros.
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walk Maya

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Many of us soul-seekers have written about shedding skin, learning and becoming, moving closer to the likeness of our true, creative, and bare-boned selves. Rightly so as most of us have perfected the art of reflecting in these spaces. I have been thinking about this again as little crumbs of childhood insecurities have been surfacing lately. I’ve been wondering if we truly and completely can let go of these old ghosts. Like most scars, they heal only in tiny bits over time. Like grief, they may never really disappear, but just fall quiet until something stirs the memory in our fibers again. Each tiny bit of healing is a long-walked milestone though isn’t it, a secret passage to another well-earned ounce of strength. For this, I will take my crumbs. For this, I will walk as long as I need to.
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Since birth we are clothed with layers of layers of our imposing environments. We are meant to trust the things that nurture and love us. Often times though the things that serve us walk hand in hand with the things that don’t, and so we unintentionally absorb unkindnesses along the way. It is the way of this human life and for those of us that are aware, we spend the remaining years of our lives undoing whatever damage has been done. If we have children, we do our best not to heap our own layers of sediment onto them. It’s an ongoing process of “cleaning house”, peeling the ugly wallpapers and shedding light on uncomfortable corners that were once useful but no longer serve anymore. By doing this, we hope and pray that they have a better chance at knowing themselves sooner than we did.
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Even on this winding road of challenge and change, gratitude is always close by, scenting my days with the perfume of lightness and grace. I had another birthday last month and refined versions of self continue to emerge. Two missions set in January have been realized, dreams that required energy, focus, faith, and the complete rejection of fear. I’m learning there are several pathways that lead us to our dreams, but we need courage and resilience to find them. We are magnetized to the unfettered greatness within as long as we ignore the voices that ever tell us otherwise. Alas, never an easy task, but not impossible either.

I wonder as I finish this post, if the blogging platform has actually passed its time. The days of sitting, reading and writing post after post are long gone for me and I can almost feel my brain shifting to a quicker processing speed, needing shorter and faster accounts on everything. The poetry of long narratives in blogging might be fading, yet I want to cling desperately to them as there is still so much to write, recount and reflect upon. There was once such sweetness in reading and writing in these spaces everyday, sharing our lives with other blogging friends, and I can’t recall the last time I lavished in this. I miss it, I miss it very much. And just so you know, I miss you, too….

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much love to you
XOXO

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MJ View All →

Passionate mama of 2 and a wife. I write, dance, and create whenever I can.

11 Comments Leave a comment

  1. lovely to hear you pondering.
    gosh, he’s 13. teenage years as a mama…….
    i miss the old blogging circles. but i have fund many new friends thriving on their blogs. perhaps it’s us that require not so much a different platform, but a shake up of our production. how we say what we need to say.
    i’ve relaxed into the ebbs and flows of posting. furious rushes followed by days or weeks of silence. even the silence is ‘me’.
    i know that for me, i still have much to say, over time, and much to learn or enjoy from other bloggers. fb, twitter, instagram, leave me cold with their lack of depth. despite that i enjoy what they offer.

  2. I’m going to hold onto the blogging platform until it’s last breath 🙂 Lovely to see you and hear your words and know you are loving life.

  3. hello my dear sister-friend
    each of your words went straight….straight into my heart, my soul, my flowing, sparkling, alive blood…..this space of blogging is changing…I hear you. And yet I find myself drawn back time and time again to the slowness and the quietness of it…I took my self off FB this summer, because though it is convenient, it is noisy…I need a break from the voices to attend to some of the quieter ones within my own self…it has been a good choice. Where ever you go, what ever you choose…know that you have found a life long connection and sisterhood with me….
    And about those childhood crumbs….those things I like to call the residue of my childhood…I too am not sure they ever fully leave, so I have taken to them as a reminder of where I have come from…on those days when I do not feel I am “enough” they remind me of where I have been and the roads and sometimes non-road I have walked to become who I am in this moment and who I am becoming in the next….they help me re-memeber and I am grateful for that. I find myself still grieving them sometimes, but not in a stuck in the dark kind of way…more like a baptism of truth….my truth…and I grieve for my self, the one who suffered in the dark and then I reminder her that we are not longer there and she is free…then we both cry out of the sheer miracle of it and the abundant joy and love we found in that freedom……
    May this next season of your life with your children bring you much joy and adventure M….loving you and yours

    love and light
    C

    • Oh Cat, I knew I was missing your presence on FB! Your words, as always, are incredible and insightful, and and please know I too see you as forever sister. Your wisdom and beautiful energy are bring such light wherever you go. I hope that I am blessed enough to meet you in person one day ❤ ❤ <3. Thank YOU dear sister-friend. XOXO

  4. Lovely to see you here again MJ. So true of the shifts and transitions, all is impermanent. I have found myself bogged down and of course taking breaks. I always come back, because this space is too valuable and so nourishing, it helps work through those layers. It will change, but it will persist when there are such wonderful words to be written and people to share with. xoxo

    • Hi Mandy!!! So good to see you here and on FB. Yes, I think I will always come back to this place too. There is just too much history, too much I’ve shared in this space to let it go. Not to mention the wonderful soul-sisters and brothers I’ve met here. Thank you for stopping by and saying “hi”. Big hugs and love to you!!
      XOXO

  5. So lovely to see you in your space, and to catch up a little bit. I agree blogging is changing, but I still enjoy it, and I enjoy the connections I have made. I have yet to jump on board with things like Instagram, and most likely never will, but I know many who find this the place to be now. I kinda like life in the slow lane, and blogging feels like a good fit for the moment.

    • Hi Kim! I am glad to hear you are still blogging and writing. You have so many gifts to share! If you do venture into Instagram I hope you let me know!! Thank you for saying hello. I hope your son is doing wonderful, with you as his mom I have no doubt he is. ❤ XOXO

  6. I’ve missed you too MJ and this morning I am quite happy to sit here, drink my tea and read your beautiful words. Loved catching up in your world and knowing that life is good. Happy belated birthday beautiful woman.

    • Hi Tracey, my how I have missed you as well. Thank you for stopping dear friend, one of my longest blogging friends….XOXO

  7. yes, blogging isn’t what it used to be anymore. and it’s sad. it’s too slow a medium for many. I’ve been tempted many times to give up. but I’d miss it. and I think there will be some renaissance at one point. it will be smaller but maybe more substantial. as to the ghosts of the pasts. I’m with you on that too. they go to sleep but can be woken up at any time. lovely post. good to see [read] you again xoxo

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