Swirling…

IMG_0696

Acceptance, it’s something I think about all the time. The concept is a paradox really. In one moment I can love and embrace all that is, and in the next, recognize the need to question, challenge and evolve. There is always work to be done, a new piece of self-awareness to be uncovered, old demons that lurk, moments urging us to keep digging and keep addressing the things that draw us back into the shadows. Like tides that reach then pull, I vacillate between gratitude for all that I’ve faced, to the discomfort required to keep carving the spiritual landscape within. Transition is a trickster–a short term shifter, but a wicked, long-distance runner. Transition never ends, and perhaps this is where acceptance resides best, on the heels of “then” and on the brink of “now”.

IMG_0996

These latest days of mine have been spent building–building a business with my husband, building dance classes, building choreography inspired by soul and muse, building and creating a movement and empowerment curriculum for a kids’ dance class, (and seeing it come to life thanks to the sisterhood and dance studio that has become my second home). Meanwhile, as new friendships cultivate, my sacred circles are manifesting hand in hand with a deep, spiritual appreciation for the containers that have allowed me to feel vulnerable, accepted and powerful all at once. Finally, I see my own colorful thread weaving into this gorgeous, conscious community, and perhaps for the first time with steadfast commitment and unapologetic confidence, I am unafraid for what I have to offer and give.

Through this collective process of creating, this swirling dance between the feminine and masculine within, I have moved past the knowing of potential and found birth through accepting responsibility for what I can do and doing it. So this is what self-trust looks like :-). I ‘ll take it, I’ll ride this new wave of fortitude, at least until the next lurking Shadow with his sidekick and travel companion Transition. They are there watching and waiting always…and you know what? It’s all good….

IMG_1321

Love to you… XO

Tracing tracks

familyhike

I know, it’s still summer, but the season’s permissive laze and daze has snuck out quietly and left us. Autumn’s invigorating breath has found her way into our mornings and soon I will don my fuzzy slippers, robe, and plan soups for dinner. Like many, we are into school schedules and events, after school chauffeuring, teacher meetings, Fall trips and volunteering. I look back and remember where we last left the hurry. Tracing the tracks we’ve left behind, I touch with fondness the moments that made these last few months memorable.

I started teaching dance at a beautiful studio a little over a month ago, not traditional dance like tap or ballet, but heart-centered, choreographed dances that pull from all styles to inspire soul, emotion, awareness and freedom. It’s a dance made for anyone and everyone, no formal experience required. This is the manifestation of a dream–to call myself a dancer and share my love of dance by teaching. “Inconceivable” is what I would have told you 10 years ago. Truth: The rules we live by in this world can often feel unyielding, but to challenge them, un-define and re-define them, we can surprise ourselves by becoming something completely unexpected. My choreography now unfolds on a wooden dance floor spilling from a well of creative freedom that I knew existed, but never tapped openly until now. Teaching, leading a class, and exposing my heart and creativity to be judged and used by others has brought me to challenge and question the necessity of old insecurities. I see it now and I find myself peeling again.

sunfl

This month, in Issue 5 of Bella Grace Magazine, a piece I wrote was published. For a few weeks now I’ve let this soak in, and thoughts of my father have surfaced again. I am so different from the daughter he knew before he died 17 years ago, before I began healing, before I became wife and mother, before I began my climb out of the many shells that kept my soul hidden. Yet, somehow I know I am the woman he always knew I’d become. I use to resent the goals he once had for me, like the one where I would be an engineer or the one where I would go to military school, but I understand those really weren’t the dreams he had for me. What he wanted more than anything was that I just try for the things I wanted most, that I believe in myself, and find what true happiness is. And those dreams, Dad, have come true. Perhaps this joy is fleeting, perhaps the next big catastrophe is around the corner, but for today these tracks are very real, and they are, gratefully, all my own.

silverdollars

The last thing I wanted to share just happened this past weekend over Labor Day, our family’s camping and volunteering trip to a wolf sanctuary here in Colorado. I will write an entire post on how deeply this experience affected me. Wolves, truly, are one of the best teachers this earth could have ever graced us with. The problem is that generally wolves are seen as a threat to man and livestock and, by stories, movies, and misconceptions, thought to be mean, menacing, and aggressive animals. This is false and documentaries such as “Living With Wolves” and The Wolves of Yellowstone serve to educate those who will listen about the gentle and social nature of wolves, as well and their importance to our ecosystem. But this is only a micron of what I personally learned from meeting a wolf, and, as I look a little closer, flows not at all surprisingly with the undercurrent of my latest lessons on strength of character and how true we are to our spirit. This, I will share in a new post sooner than later, but for now, a glimpse…meet Zeab.

zeab

Much love to you
XOXO