Swirling…

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Acceptance, it’s something I think about all the time. The concept is a paradox really. In one moment I can love and embrace all that is, and in the next, recognize the need to question, challenge and evolve. There is always work to be done, a new piece of self-awareness to be uncovered, old demons that lurk, moments urging us to keep digging and keep addressing the things that draw us back into the shadows. Like tides that reach then pull, I vacillate between gratitude for all that I’ve faced, to the discomfort required to keep carving the spiritual landscape within. Transition is a trickster–a short term shifter, but a wicked, long-distance runner. Transition never ends, and perhaps this is where acceptance resides best, on the heels of “then” and on the brink of “now”.

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These latest days of mine have been spent building–building a business with my husband, building dance classes, building choreography inspired by soul and muse, building and creating a movement and empowerment curriculum for a kids’ dance class, (and seeing it come to life thanks to the sisterhood and dance studio that has become my second home). Meanwhile, as new friendships cultivate, my sacred circles are manifesting hand in hand with a deep, spiritual appreciation for the containers that have allowed me to feel vulnerable, accepted and powerful all at once. Finally, I see my own colorful thread weaving into this gorgeous, conscious community, and perhaps for the first time with steadfast commitment and unapologetic confidence, I am unafraid for what I have to offer and give.

Through this collective process of creating, this swirling dance between the feminine and masculine within, I have moved past the knowing of potential and found birth through accepting responsibility for what I can do and doing it. So this is what self-trust looks like :-). I ‘ll take it, I’ll ride this new wave of fortitude, at least until the next lurking Shadow with his sidekick and travel companion Transition. They are there watching and waiting always…and you know what? It’s all good….

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Love to you… XO

Trust and the undeniable unpredictable

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I see it now, the limitless purpose of the moving, invisible finish line.

I clasp with weathered hands, squeeze, and hold firm to the Uncomfortable. Digging my feet into the earth, I relax my lips and draw in a deep, nourishing breath, giving in to the knowledge that the full opus of who I am may never be completed. Every, single moment is a surrender to the undeniable unpredictable. Sustained, crystal clarity is but an enigmatic shadow, like the glorious pink and purple sunsets I crave, fabulous yet fleeting until the next rising sun.

“Endings and beginnings are merely paired facets of an imagined stone curtain, behind which a plethora of opportunities await.”
~Ged Thompson, Liverpool Poet

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328 year old Southern Live Oak

My daughter often asks me why good things have to end. Why playdates can’t last 3 days and why fantastical stories are only 175 pages long. She is too young to know the value of the darkness, though we tell stories in the dark, though we can only bask in the brilliant moon in the dark, though stars can only illuminate the way in the dark. Pain seeps through our soft crevices when we have to say goodbye to the things we love, to the things that make us happy, to the things that scintillate our earthly skin. But it’s never “goodbye”, only “until next time.”

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”
~Frank Herbert

We are all extraordinary and the lives we paint are meant to bring shivers up any spine for the power and energy we emit. This is the shine of our radiant, authentic souls that only borrow our human body for the experiences we create. Only by diving through fire, dancing with ecstasy, and climbing through pain can true enlightenment–ever so brief– be touched. Then we must do it all over again–begin…again and again. I can accept this. I can accept this because this is the only promise I am owed. The promise that my life is meant to circle every color of the rainbow, every shade of light emitted through the living prism–birth, growth, death and rebirth. I am evolution for stagnation is a soul’s death beyond measure. The only thing required of me, the only challenge I must face with every pregnant, beautiful breath, is to trust, trust the undeniable unpredictable, love it even. Trust…trust that no matter what stops, what fails, what rises, or falls, that it will all soon begin again. There is no end, no finishing line, just one beautiful, sparkling spiral.

“A Woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself ”

~ Maya Angelou

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Happy New Year and much love to you all….

xoxo

My best

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They are answers that can shapeshift with the priority of my days. Most of the time it’s clear when I’m at my best and what my purpose is, but there are other days when I wonder if my energies lie in the right places. I do know that if we look deeply and honestly, and most importantly, without prejudice, the answers are there for the plucking.

Since January, since setting my visions, the red fires of intention and determination have burned bright and steady. Some visions have already have been met or have altered, and they are meant to if I am attentive to my inner truths. Scatteredness is a given sometimes, but synchronicity holds space here, too, with many sentient moments giving meaning to every ounce of energy I offer. This can’t be wrong, it just can’t, not when I know my children are content, thriving, and finding their place among all things. I must believe that perhaps I am, too.

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Mayawings

Today I believe that everything I’ve done has held meaning for everything that I am today. That I am at my best today, and am even better than yesterday. I look at what I do with loving, kind eyes and realize that I am changing the world with every move I make, with every person, animal, thing and moment I connect with, small, large, old, young and everything in-between. What if we all believed this all the time, that we were changing the world with each moment we lived? Not out of guilt, pressure, shame or perfection, but out of love and intention, kindness and compassion. How different would our actions be at any given moment?

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I do know what I do best. I love and listen, I offer and give, I wait and see, I lift and hold, and I love all over again. And the wings of my little ones are finding strength and momentum to push air and take space, working to raise themselves off the ground. I see it happening, I see them believing in themselves. I see them rising above their own limitations and I know that my best perhaps was good enough all along. Mother, it is the one role that has chiseled and defined me more than any other. The fabric of this archetype extends far into the other roles I hold close like wife, friend, educator, therapist, dreamer, dancer, creator. I am comfortable here and I am really good at this. This is who I am. It is why I have the courage to make the decisions I have to make, and part of why my children are becoming who they are. I say this today because most other days I don’t. How often do many of us not recognize the strongest parts of who we are and choose to categorize ourselves by what we are not? I am guilty.

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It is in our nature you know, to say the quiet, tasteless things we say to ourselves. A terrible habit that takes hold in each of us in so many different ways. We don’t need to listen, I promise you, we don’t. And when we choose to not listen, ego’s sticky-fingers begin to release its grasp on the voicebox of our soul.

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There are so many things that make sense now, so many events, decisions, and choices, all laced with luck, chance and kismet. Every single one, a pathmaker that’s left a winding, sometimes treacherous, unpredictable, breathtaking, rewarding, eternally wild and wooded trail. It’s a trail that is all mine, an adventure and an odyssey, one that I may write about one day. Until then, I will just keep doing my best, I will let the stongest parts in me show me what is next…

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Much love to you
xoxo

100 sails

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I am so happy to be sitting here in this space writing to you. I have thought of this blog often in the last several weeks, and of the many women that I have met yet haven’t met, thanks to the blogosphere. The many women and men who pour their hearts and words out and bring light to others by doing so. How grateful I am for each of them. As I think about what I want to write and share with you, I must say that change has arrived on a ship with 100 sails, and with it the call to act, to light fires and no longer rest in the cracked bellows of stagnation.

For years I have turned motherhood over and over in my hands until it has tumbled smooth like stone. Gratefully, I know this role will never end, not really. But I have turned another corner in motherhood and I can say with all sincerity that there is now room for something more. I have given my all to my family. I am a better mother. I am a better wife. I am a better friend. I am a better human being. And most importantly, I am not finished, far from it.

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In the last several months, I have spent time thinking and dreaming about what comes next. I have been in this zone before, yet something feels different. Maybe it’s the remarkable women I’ve been spending time with online and off. Maybe it’s the intentions I’ve set just a few weeks ago, taking the time to write exactly what I want and how I am going to get there. Maybe it’s been certain events that have called me to action, to perhaps get my OT license back, or get certified as a dance instructor, and to write my heart out and share it with strangers everywhere. Maybe I’m just getting older and there is no better time than now to take more risks.

The bottom line is the earth beneath my feet is shifting, the soil is ripe for planting, and I have more courage than I have had in years. I have no other recourse than to utilize this energy and give it back, give it back with all I have.

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“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness.”~ unknown

I am obsessed with sunrises. They bring beauty, hope, energy, inspiration and a new painted canvas every morning. For just those few minutes, the sunrise is my silent meditation, and facing east I make my intentions to begin fresh and new, with faith and gratitude for that moment and the next.

January is nearly over and it was my springboard, so let it begin.
Won’t you join me? What are your intentions this year?

Much love to you
xoxo